wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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