It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
