He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
