THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
