You're so nebulous sometimes
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
