I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
