you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
