A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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