So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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