sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The air was thick with penises
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
