I never want to see another naked old woman again.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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