i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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