So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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