Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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