Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
