He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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