i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
