I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
