all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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