Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
