Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
