I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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