That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
