I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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