i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
