no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
