there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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