i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
