just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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