PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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