Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
