I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
