i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
