Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
