i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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