I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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