She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The power of my boobs compel you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
