dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
