i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
