I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
