and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
