today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
