is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
