Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
