we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We have started to decorate penises.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
