I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
