U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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