***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
