Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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