I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
