Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
