Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
