He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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