His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
